"Hurry my good men!" Peter the Ace said as he watched dozens of
engineers and mechanics running around the Blenheim repairing its severely
damaged hull. Thankfully the ship’s computer was working again, a
simple blown fuse having been the problem.
"I'm afraid it’s going to take several hours to repair this buggered
baby." said a technician walking up to the awe-inspiring bounty hunter.
"Is that right?" Peter the Ace said.
"Hmm. That's a shame. Have you sorted out Jayne Eye-Catcher?"
"Of course. She's been taken to the medical centre. She'll be fine."
"What about the cyborg head?"
"The cyborg head that's wired up to your sickbay!"
"Justin! I'd forgotten about him. Take him to Doctor DeMorgan and get
him a new body."
The technician left to perform his tasks.
Peter the Ace walked over to a nearby communicator. "Commander Pepe?"
"Peter the Ace!" The commander exclaimed. "Good to have you
back with us."
"How was your mission?"
"A partial success. Kathwoman was vaporised by Jayne Eye-Catcher, but
only after the evil bitch had vaporised Belinda."
"My condolences, I hear that she made excellent kebabs."
"She did indeed." Panman said, walking up the communicator with
a bag of chocolate, cappuccino, cinnamon and apple cupcakes.
"Commander." Peter the Ace said. "Our ship is in a bad way.
We need a substitute so that we can rejoin the battle above."
"I thought your ship was virtually indestructible?"
"It is." Peter the Ace said. "But we had to perform a P.E.N.E.T.R.A.T.E."
"Whoa!" Commander Pepe said with deep respect. "That must
be the first time that's been tried!"
"Indeed, and it completely destroyed Lawrence's mothership!"
"Fantastic! Unfortunately, all available ships are being used, but
the palace is currently under attack by an army of zombies. You could grab
some awesome hand weapons and help the trainees that are fighting them."
"Excellent idea!" Panman said, packing five buns into his mouth
at the same time.
"We'll do it!" Peter the Ace said. He turned off the communicator.
Elena L’Apriscatole and Sonia Por Favor, two brutal warriors of
bloodcurdling ingenuity, stomped their way through the Palace of Amino's
streets, toting colossal cannons of destruction. They were the guardians
of the unholy army of the night, there to watch over the undead's advance
and also to fulfil a personal mission; to infiltrate the deepest echelons
of the palace's command structure.
"il sangue!" Elena L’Apriscatole shouted as she opened
fire on several bounty hunter snipers who had appeared on a nearby rooftop.
She preferred to speak in her native language.
"Speak English!" Sonia Por Favor said as she too opened fire,
blasting huge holes in the building's upper floors.
"But English is such a crude language!"
Their cannons blazed furiously as they continued their onslaught. Two
of the snipers slumped forwards, knocked unconscious by the force of the
relentless attack, their thick body armour saving them from instant death.
The other snipers retreated hastily.
"They've gone to the back of the building." Sonia Por Favor
said. "Let's find them!"
The two warriors sprinted rapidly around the building. There was no sign
of them. Sonia Por Favor looked carefully in all directions. "Where
"Eccoli!" Elena L’Apriscatole screamed, opening fire once
Sonia Por Favor followed her companion’s example. The snipers, who
were attempting to escape along a narrow alleyway, were pummelled hard
against a wall as formidable pulses of concentrated energy smacked into
their backs. They fell to floor, deeply comatosed.
"Easy!" Sonia Por Favor announced. "Now we need to get
to that building." She pointed to the monolithic Central Tower several
kilometres away. Even from this distance, its one thousand storey frame
dominated the skyline.
"Dov'è il reparto di zoologia?" Elena L’Apriscatole
"Why don't you speak English?" Sonia Por Favor yelled, loosing
Elena L’Apriscatole ignored her heinous partner and looked down.
"Queste non sono le mie scarpe!"
Sonia Por Favor stared in disbelief as Elena L’Apriscatole took
off her boots. A small black object dropped from her utility belt and
smashed to the floor.
"Può riparare questa macchina fotografica, la leva d'avanzamento
della pellicola è rota." Elena L’Apriscatole said, handing
Sonia Por Favor a tiny camera.
Sonia Por Favor could not take any more of this nonsense. "Put the
camera away!" She said, highly irritated by her companion's sudden
insanity. "Come on, we have a barbarous task to complete." Sonia
Por Favor started to walk towards the Central Tower. After she had travelled
a few paces, she looked back. Elena L’Apriscatole was holding her
boots and gazing at them intensely. "Are you coming or what?"
"Desidero suole e tacchi nuovi" Elena L’Apriscatole said,
looking up at Sonia Por Favor. "Mi può riparare queste scarpe?"
"For the last time, speak English! And put those boots back on!"
"Si err... I mean yeah, OK." Elena L’Apriscatole said,
returning to reality. She put on her boots and walked over to her partner.
"That's more like it." Sonia Por Favor said with relief.
The two ruthless warriors wandered towards their target, their bulky personal
cannons swinging by their sides.
"The LARDBALLS is ready." Chief Officer Chimpapazapadon said.
"Good." Commander Pepe said, leaning back in his extravagant
command chair, "Target the mothership. Fire only on my command."
The commander stated a fact. "You do realise that the LARDBALLS can
be used only once?"
"It'll use so much power that the defence grid will be off line for
several hours. If it's unsuccessful, we're history."
"I realise that, commander."
"Good, just checking."
Chief Officer Chimpapazapadon passed the order on to the LARDBALLS operations
officer. The giant LARDBALLS view screen faded to life and displayed a
high definition image of Kathwoman's mothership high in orbit above the
Palace of Amino. Green cross-hairs zoomed in from the screen's edges and
converged over the giant ship's centre. The cross-hairs flashed red.
"Awaiting your command, commander." Chief Officer Chimpapazapadon
Peter the Ace and Panman strode confidently through the central districts
of the palace and out towards the western suburbs, their heavy personal
armour and impressive shoulder mounted grenade launchers glinting in the
golden morning sun.
Several lumbering corpses appeared from behind one of the buildings. Panman
reacted instantly. Two deafening explosions echoed through the streets,
segmenting the undead wanderers and scattering scorched, rancid flesh
and bone in all directions. "Cool!" Panman said with satisfaction.
The two bounty hunters continued their hunt.
"It's good to get down to some healthy open air mass carnage creation."
Peter the Ace said, vaporising another corpse's head with an accurately
aimed fusion blast.
"Absolutely!" Panman agreed. "We haven't done this for
Peter the Ace noticed two dark figures in the distance. "Do you recognise
those two?" He asked, pointing in their direction.
"No" Panman replied, using his intensified left eye to magnify
them. "But they are both female and both carrying unwieldy looking
"Let's go and check them out."
Peter the Ace and Panman stealthily approached the two figures.
"Two bounty hunters are trying to stealthily approach us." Sonia
Por Favor said, striding confidently down a wide street. When Elena L’Apriscatole
failed to reply, she looked round.
Elena L’Apriscatole had stopped outside one of the palace's many
cinemas. "Andiamo al cinema?" She said, gazing at the list of
movies currently showing.
"What are you doing?" Sonia Por Favor asked, amazed at how easily
Elena L’Apriscatole was distracted.
Elena L’Apriscatole ignored her. "Molto bello!" She said,
finding a particularly enticing show.
Sonia Por Favor walked briskly over to her. "What is it with you?"
"A più tardi!" Elena L’Apriscatole wandered into
"What are you doing?" Sonia Por Favor yelled. "There are
two bounty hunters looking for us and you want to see a movie!"
Sonia Por Favor watched her crazy companion disappear into the building.
After a few seconds of pondering, she followed.
"Why have they gone into that cinema?" Panman asked.
"Who knows?" Peter the Ace answered. "But let's follow
The two galactic champions sprinted covertly over to the movie theatre
and entered the building. There was no sound.
Panman utilised his immense intellect. "They're probably in one of
"Yes." Peter the Ace said. "Let's split up. You take number
one, I'll take number two."
"Divide and conquer!" Panman exclaimed, heading off to the left.