Enchantia, the blissful location of the Palace of Amino, was looking
particularly beautiful at the moment. The planet's wide oceans gently
caressed and corroded its continents, its dense luscious forests oxygenating
the atmosphere at a phenomenal rate.
With absolutely no warning whatsoever, two thousand starships of sinister
intent vacated the comfortable serenity of subspace and entered a 2:1
resonance orbit around the planet.
"Update!" General Blubbard shouted as he gazed through the
command bridge's giant view port at the blue and green planet below.
"Heavy orbital defense systems scanned." One of the plebian
officers replied. "Surface scan is being jammed. No results."
"We have found the Palace of Amino!" The general exclaimed
with glee. "Inform Lord Lawrence."
"Yes, general." Mervyn the communications cadet replied.
Without warning, Enchantia's orbital defences opened fire. Several hundred
fighters were instantly destroyed.
"Maximum shields!" General Blubbard screamed as his awesome
command ship shuddered under the barrage of energy beams. "Attack
All of his ships returned fire. Thousands of powerful beams of light
crisscrossed the battle zone as ships of all shapes and sizes attempted
to destroy the Enchantia’s defences and gain access to the surface.
"There is no response from Lawrence's mothership." Mervyn said
"Imbecile!" The general shrieked.
He pulled his fusion pistol from its holster and fired. The cadet, only
twenty three years old and married with octuplets, howled in agony as
his innards melted and eroded rapidly. He fell to the floor, twitched,
vomited scorched flesh, and then lay still.
General Blubbard looked at Mervyn's communications screens. They stated
an ominous fact:
ULTRA-SPACE COMMUNICATIONS LINK REQUESTED…
TARGET: MOTHERSHIP OF LORD LAWRENCE
ACCESS CODE: 2444
TRANS. TYPE: STEALTH1
AUTO-RESPONSE SYSTEM HAS NOT ACTIVATED
COMMUNICATIONS TARGET DOES NOT EXIST.
The general looked over to sobbing Sub-Cadet Theresa, Mervyn's assistant
and secret chubby mistress. "Keep trying." He screamed.
Wimpishly, Theresa moved over to the communications console, stepping
carefully around the blistered body of her closet lover.
"And get someone to clear away that corpse!"
"Activate all defence fields, re-route auxiliary power to the weapons
systems and er… do anything else that you think is important!"
Commander Pepe said to everyone at Amino battle command, two kilometres
below the Central Tower of the Palace of Amino.
Because the Palace of Amino had never been attacked before, these systems
had not been used. Many of the staff began to look through various operators’
manuals and consult the help options on the views creens. Because the
software was extremely user friendly they quickly got the hang of it.
"What else should I do?" The commander thought aloud. "Oh
yes, turn on the giant view screens!"
He looked around his console and found a switch marked 'Battle Screen
Activation'. "That must be the one!" He pressed it. Immediately,
at the front of the darkened command room, twelve giant view screens faded
to life. Scenes of the space battle were shown in glorious high definition
colour, relayed to the ground by twelve orbital camera stations. Their
outputs were mixed by a super intelligent editing computer that produced
a very entertaining film show, complete with an orchestral soundtrack.
Some screens showed tactical information and various rotating computer
"Most impressive!" Commander Pepe exclaimed. "We should
keep these on from now on."; He took his seat in his sumptuous leather
chair and took out a large manual from a compartment under his console.
He looked at the first page.
The Kilemal Command Console is the finest of
its type in existence today. As well as giving
the commanding officer total control of any battle
scenario, it also has direct communications links
with catering and entertainment systems, allowing
the operator to eat, view movies and play
holo-games at the same time that he directs a
If you are involved in a real combat situation
at this precise moment and have never operated
a Kilemal Command Console before, turn
straight to chapter 45 for our 'Quick Start'
guide to all of the essential operations.
"Chapter forty five it is!" Commander Pepe said.
Several squadrons of skull fighter attempted to spiral through the almost
grid-like barrage of energy fire from Enchantia's upper atmosphere defence
satellites. They failed. Within a few seconds they had been blown apart.
One pilot, who had somehow managed to eject in time, drifted slowly past
one of orbiting weapons stations which was currently firing on another
group of ships several kilometres away.
Maybe it hasn't seen me! He thought with relief. I'll float quietly
to the planet's surface and ride out the war in total seclusion. I'm going
A low powered beam of indigo connected with his torso, vaporising it completely
but leaving his legs, arms and head intact. The pilot watched in disbelief
as his various appendages tumbled away from him in all directions. Consciousness
abandoned his brain.
"General Blubbard?" The scanner operator, Bernard Dranreb, said.
"What!" shouted the general, annoyed that his gaze had been
taken away from the awesome battle that was taking place through the view
Berbard continued. "I'm scanning three hundred ships of fabulous
design entering orbit from the surface."
"Yes, yes, yes!" The general gleefully said. "The bounty
hunters are coming to fight. This is our chance to butcher them like sheep
in a grinder!"
"They are engaging and destroying our outer squadrons!"
"What? Tell them to fight properly!" General Blubbard screamed,
smacking Bernard Dranreb's head hard against his view screen. Blood spouted
from a gaping wound on his forehead.
"Yes, general" He said woozily.
"And clean up that mess!"
The general walked over to where Sub-Cadet Theresa was sitting. "Have
you managed to make contact with Lord Lawrence?"
"No, general" She said, still weeping.
"What is going on!" The general bellowed. He walked quickly
back to the command bridge's giant view port. "What is going on!"
He repeated, banging his head hard against the window. He repeated that
action three hundred times.