The sky over Pathetica was darkening rapidly. Although it was midday, the
streets had become as dark as night. A storm of biblical proportions was
Ross Mental, Sarah Savage, and Angharad sprinted quickly along a deserted
freeway towards the city's communications mast which, at a height of one
thousand, three hundred and sixteen point three four metres, was the tallest
structure on Naus-Ear. Sweaty heathens were clambering suspiciously all
over it and the bounty hunters wanted to know why.
"There are thousands of the fuckers!" Ross Mental exclaimed, looking
up at the mast which was half obscured by the ominously low cloud.
Lightning struck the structure, charing several heathens who plummeted helplessly
to their deaths. A crack of thunder reverberated through the ground.
"It'll start raining in a second." Angharad said.
One second later the heavens opened up and a monsoon-like downpour commenced.
"Fuckin' water!" Ross Mental shouted. "I hate it!" In
a fit of rage, the bounty hunter drew his blaster, set it to 'Auto-Rapid',
and then opened fire on the heathens that were scaling the tower. Mere seconds
later dozens of them tumbled to their deaths as huge, gaping wounds were
burned into their bodies. Ross Mental continued the insane beast blasting
for a whole minute. One hundred and sixty seven smouldering and twitching
corpses surrounded the base of the communications mast.
"Good shooting," Sarah Savage said, "but there are still
several hundred of them up there. How should we kill them?"
"Blow the fuckin' tower!" Ross Mental said helpfully.
"I have a splendid idea!" Angharad said.
"Let's hear it!" Sarah Savage said, curious.
"That mast is basically a huge metal rod, used for transmitting and
receiving deep space messages. All we have to do is connect it to the local
power supply. The heathens directly in contact with it will fry like fries!"
"That should work" Sarah Savage said, "but what about the
"This is the cool part!" Angharad excitedly said. "Because
the tower's been energised, it will act as a massively potent lightning
conductor. The remaining heathens will burn like toast!"
"Fuckin' fab!" Ross Mental shouted. "Let’s get to it!"
For five frantic minutes the trio blasted and hacked at the ground until
a suitable electricity cable was found.
"This one will do perfectly!" Angharad said, leaping into the
trench that they had just dug.
"That's one fucker of a power line!" Ross Mental exclaimed, joining
her in the ditch. Using great strength and willpower, the two of them lifted
the heavy cable and handed it to Sarah Savage. With angry enthusiasm, the
barbarian bounty hunter began hacking at it with her insulated broad sword.
Sparks flew everywhere as the complex thread of wires broke in two. The
lights in the surrounding streets and on several of the nearest skyscrapers
blinked and disappeared.
"Cool!" Angharad said, clambering out of the trench.
Ross Mental followed Angharad. "Let's get the fucker to the mast."
He said grabbing the massive power line.
Sarah Savage and Angharad helped the foul-mouthed bounty hunter to drag
it over to the tower's base. The extreme rainfall made it extraordinarily
dangerous to mess around with electricity in this way.
"We need to cut through to the tower's central core." Sarah Savage
said with spacious insight.
"My blaster hasn't got the fuckin' power."
"Leave it to me!" Angharad said proudly. She energised her visor
and selected 'Probe-Cutter' from the tools menu. After carefully deep scanning
and targeting the mast's wall, she fired. A bright, pulsing beam of radiant
gold accurately cut out a metre wide chunk of concrete which was subsequently
vaporised with a blast of blinding scarlet.
The words 'Probe-Cutter: Task completed.' appeared in the visor's heads
up display. "All done!" Angharad said, grinning.
"Could you make me one of those fuckers!" Ross Mental said enviously.
"They'll go into mass production next year. You can buy one then."
"Let's get to work." Sarah Savage said impatiently.
The trio hauled the weighty and sparkling power line into the hole left
by Angharad's visor. Using their belt mounted standard bounty hunter issue
floodlights, the three of them made their way to the tower's metal core.
"All we have to do" said Angharad knowledgeably, "is to place
the power line in contact with the core, stand back, and then admire the
"Let's fuck to it!" Ross Mental said with unbalanced delight.
As soon as the electricity cable was connected, they ran outside. It was
an incredible sight. Hundreds of criminally insane heathens were falling
and smouldering their way to the ground. Thud! Smash! Splat! Groan! Crunch!
Magnificent. Thousands of strikes of lightning felt an unbelievable urge
to connect with the tower. The whole sky ignited as the mast crackled with
electrical arcs. The remaining heathens dropped, dead as can be, to the
hard surface below.
Splat! Smash! Crunch! Several deafening thunderclaps added to the drama
of the scene and creating fantastic visuals. Once the last sweaty heathen
had fallen, Sarah Savage disconnected the power cable. The lightning strikes
stopped. Ross Mental looked around at the hundreds of smoking corpses that
lay all around. He smiled with great satisfaction. Two automated street
cleaning machines had already started to pick up the bodies.