"Let's unify our physiques!" Lew Brain Ache snarled through the
containment field of his detention cell.
"Be quiet." Panman said. "Sort your life out, chubby buddy!"
"We must create deadly, small, demonic offspring!" Lew Brain Ache
touched the bars of energy and was thrown back, slamming into one of the
cell's walls. He slumped to the floor, dazed and confused.
Ken Kasino yelled from the cell opposite. "I demand to be moved! I
can't stand that noisy ignoramus any more!"
Panman turned around. "Ken!" He said. "I'd forgotten that
you were down here. How are you, corrupt dude?"
"Move me now!"
"You're in no position to make demands. We'll be arriving at the palace
very shortly. There you'll be tried for your crimes and moved to a much
more peaceful prison."
"Move me!" The ex-casino king screamed.
"Be patient." Panman said, walking towards the exit. "Make
the most of this luxury while you can. Where you're going will make this
place look like the penthouse suite at the Prospero Astoria Massage Sanctuary!"
Panman left, a thick, metal door hissed shut behind him. Ken sank to his
knees and wept. This once emperor of villainy had finally broken. Panman
made his way to the sumptuous bridge. He passed Jayne Eye-Catcher on the
way. She was on her way back to her quarters and was smiling broadly.
Peter the Ace sat in his command chair. "Thank you." He said
to the metalic Justin, taking a large mug of coffee and a plate of cinnamon
toast from him.
Justin buzzed and clanked towards the exit. He was met by Panman.
"Hmmm…" Panman exclaimed, sniffing the air. "What
a delightful smell of nourishment!" He looked at the cyborg trainee.
"Justin, could you get me a plateful of whatever Ace is having?"
Justin grunted and left the bridge.
"Oh, yeah!" Panman shouted after him. "Get me a couple
of chicken kebabs as well would you!"
Panman was sure that he heard the word 'fuck' whispered electronically.
The sound of Justin's motors faded away.
"Blenheim, how long until we arrive?" Panman asked, taking his
position at the weapons console.
"TEN MINUTES AND TWELVE SECONDS."
Peter the Ace was stuffing toast into his mouth, "It'll be nice to
get back to our luxurious apartments again." He said.
"Yeah!" Panman said. "I miss my seven metre, wide screen,
high definition, one thousand channel tele-video system."
Ten minutes later the all-powerful Blenheim slinked out of subspace with
refined grace and re-entered the physical universe. Ahead, filling the
main view screen, was the most beautiful blue/green planet in the galaxy.
Its wispy clouds and perfect, stable climate created a paradise beyond
the imaginations of most sentient beings. This remarkable world was known
as Enchantia and was the secret location of the Palace of Amino.
One thousand weapons systems locked onto the Blenheim the instant that
the ship emerged. After a comprehensive deep scan and identification check,
"AUTO APPROACH ENGAGED."
"Let's sit back and enjoy the ride!" Peter the Ace said, gazing
at Enchantia with great affection. "It seems months since we were
"It is!" Panman said, finishing off his second kebab.
"Why yes, you’re right!"
The Blenheim, black and menacing, descended into the atmosphere and powered
through the sparse cloud structures. Far below, luscious rainforests,
lakes and islands passed by, their astounding magnificence was unbelievable.
Elegantly, the ship continued its approach, dipping below the tops of
a range of snow capped peaks and weaving through an expansive valley,
at the end of which a huge gleaming structure loomed. It was the Palace
of Amino. What a glorious sight. Covering almost two hundred square kilometres
of land, this metropolis of towers, parks, and restaurants was home to
over three million beings, ten thousand of which where bounty hunters.
The Central Tower at the centre of the palace was the tallest artificial
planet-bound structure in the known galaxy. Over five kilometres high
with one thousand levels, it contained the most exclusive training, entertainment
and homes of the highest ranking bounty hunters. Powered by several ultra-fusion
generators ten kilometres below ground level and defended by a planet
wide grid of one thousand super-powerful weapons, this place was, in theory,
a fortress of practically unbreachable defenses. Because no enemy force
has ever found the palace since its construction three centuries ago,
these systems had never been used in anger. The system's formal specification,
drafted by the esteemed mathematician Lord Nimal Nissanke, resulted in
the value 'true', so it should work.
With perfect precision, the Blenheim touched down in a private hanger
bay half way up the Central Tower. A crowd of several hundred bounty hunters,
engineers, trainees and caterers had gathered to greet the return of their
The crowd gasped as the exit ramp lowered, its hydraulics hissing deeply.
Tara was the first to leave. The crowd, aware of her kidnapping, gave
her a round of applause as she elegantly walked across the landing pad
to Commander Pepe who was waiting to greet the new arrivals. Jayne Eye-Catcher
was next. A cheer rang out as she erotically wandered down the ramp. She
was a big favourite with the trainees. Everyone fell silent as the mechanical
Justin clanked his way onto the landing pad. No one had a clue as to who
this glass domed cyborg was. Peter the Ace and Panman appeared. A cheer
that would deafen a Gorgon's father erupted as they walked down the ramp,
waving at their fans. Shouts of "Ace we love you!" and "Panman's
the man!" echoed around the hanger bay. The two galactic heroes walked
assertively over to the commander. Tara, Jayne Eye-Catcher and Justin
were standing nearby.
"Welcome home!" The outrageously obese commander said, shaking
both of their hands.
"Thank you, commander." Peter the Ace said. "It is a shame
that we had to return under such unfortunate circumstances."
"Indeed." The commander replied. "The T.A.R. Command came
as a shock to us all."
"The galaxy and even the Palace of Amino are in grave danger. It
was the only option that we had."
"You are both wise as always."
"A mother of a general meeting must be called." Panman said
with unusual seriousness.
"Of course." Commander Pepe said. "The Great Hall is being
prepared as we speak. You will have all of the audio visual presentation
aids at your disposal."
"Cool!" Panman said.
"There are over three thousand bounty hunters on their way back here;
they should all arrive within the next twenty four hours."
"That’s excellent news." Peter the Ace said.
"Commander," Panman said, "we have two people in our detention
cells. One is Lew Brain Ache. He seems to be possessed by demonic forces
and needs medical attention."
"I'll get a team in there right away." The commander said. "Who
is the other person?"
"You have arrested Ken Kasino, the second most wicked and ghastly
criminal overlord in the known galaxy?"
"Yeah!" Panman said proudly. "Cool don't you think?"
"He must be put on trial for his heinous crimes against numerous
lifeforms and civilisations." Peter the Ace said.
"Yes. It will be done!" Commander Pepe agreed. "All of
you should get some rest. Return to you dwellings. Tara, guest quarters
have been prepared for you."
"Thank you." She said politely.
Everyone made their way through the screaming multitude to the elevators.
Peter the Ace, Panman and Jayne Eye-Catcher went up to their penthouse
apartments, two kilometres further up the tower. Tara was escorted by
Commander Pepe to her guest quarters on level four hundred and one. Justin
went down to his basement bedsit on level minus sixty six.
A state of serenity existed in the void of space. With apparent insignificance,
a small metallic object emerged from subspace half a million miles from
Enchantia. The tiny craft turned its synthetic eye towards the exquisite
world and began a slow approach. All systems were functioning well. With
blinding accuracy, a yellow beam of light engulfed the device. All systems
failed in an instant as it dissolved into vapour and diffused silently
into the vacuum. The state of serenity returned.