The mighty Blenheim blasted out of the Sousea Ocean and thundered through
the blue skies of Lemmingia into the molecule vacant void of space.
"What a marvellous rescue!" Panman exclaimed proudly. "We
can certainly kick ass when we need to."
"Indeed we can." Peter the Ace agreed, activating the auto-flight
systems. "Right. Let's go and see how Lew Brain Ache and Jayne Eye-Catcher
The two galactic heros left the bridge and made their way through the comfortable
passageways to the sickbay.
Tara was watching over the two rescued bounty hunters just as Peter the
Ace had asked her to. According to the multi coloured instrument panels
above her head, Jayne Eye-Catcher was about to regain consciousness. She
turned to Lew Brain Ache's bed opposite. He was frothing at the mouth
like a psychopathic psychopath and was sending the instrument readings
haywire. Occasional satanic coughs propelled squidgy lumps of phlegm splattering
around the room.
Fowl! Tara thought, turning to face Jayne Eye-Catcher once again. Her
instrument readings looked very good indeed.
Jayne Eye-Catcher opened her eyes and sat up abruptly, ready for anything.
The high-tech sickbay confused her and sent thoughts of sordid experimentation
shooting through her mind.
"You'll never use me for your depraved pleasure!" She shouted,
glaring at Tara.
Tara took a couple of steps backwards, startled at the sudden turn of
events. Jayne Eye-Catcher leapt into the air, somersaulting gracefully
and unsheathing her gleaming battle knife with sensual swiftness. She
landed in front of Tara and pressed her against a wall panel, the blade
ready to penetrate her jugular vein at a moments notice. "Explain
yourself bitch, or die!"
Tara hated that word. "How dare you speak to me like that!"
She smacked her knee hard into Jayne Eye-Catcher's well toned abdominals
causing her to step backwards and recoil in pain. Making use of a wide
open opportunity, Tara brought her two clenched fists pounding down onto
the back of the bounty hunter's head. Jayne Eye-Catcher fell to the floor,
stunned. She recovered in a split second and grabbed Tara's leg, pulling
her to the ground.
"I'm going to gut you like a fish!" She cried, holding Tara
down with one hand and wielding her superb knife in the other.
"No!" Tara yelled as the knife began its rapid descent towards
her bulging chest.
"Calm yourselves, ladies!" Peter the Ace demanded, entering
Panman raced in and dived at Jayne Eye-Catcher, knocking her away with
a millisecond to spare.
Tara got to her feet and ran to hide behind Peter the Ace. "She's
"No." Peter the Ace said intelligently. "She simply reacted
the way any highly trained bounty hunter would in the same situation."
"And what way is that?"
"Act psycho and go nuts. In other words, use insanity as a weapon."
Jayne Eye-Catcher looked up at the person who had pinned her to the ground.
"Panman!" She looked to her left. "Peter the Ace! Am I
glad to see you guys! That bitch was trying to perform perverted libidinous
research on me!"
"Tara?" Peter the Ace exclaimed. "Of course she wasn't.
He turned to look at Tara. "You weren't, where you?"
Tara looked back, shocked. "No!"
"That's okay then." Peter the Ace said with relief. "There's
no room for perverts on this ship."
Tara stormed out of the sickbay and back to her quarters. She hated to
be accused of depraved behaviour.
Panman released his grip on Jayne Eye-Catcher and helped her to her feet.
Jayne Eye-Catcher brushed herself down seductively. "So," she
said, her voice calmer, "where am I?"
"You are on board the Blenheim!" Panman replied proudly.
"Wow!" she cried. "The Blenheim! That's so cool! I've always
wanted to see your new ship. I was going to come and look at it a few
months ago when you first got it back at the palace but you left on your
mission before I had the chance."
"Well, you have the chance now!"
"Indeed I do, but Lew Brain Ache and I have some important information
about Lawrence's battle fleet. I should let you see it. It's vitally important
and concerns the future of civilisation as we know it."
"Sounds Heavy." Peter the Ace said. "Panman, see if you
can help Lew Brain Ache, he seems in a very bad way. Jayne Eye-Catcher,
join me on the bridge. Let's see what you've got."
Peter the Ace walked briskly out of the room, closely followed by the
alluring Jayne Eye-Catcher. Panman watched her pass vivaciously by. With
digitally intensified will power, he cleared his mind of her striking
image and turned to face Lew Brain Ache. The plump little bounty hunter
was still lying on the bed, frothing at the mouth in a particularly satanic
and repugnant way, occasionally fluttering his eyelids with soul biting
"What's up with you, fat little buddy?" Panman asked, examining
the instrumentation that surrounded Lew Brain Ache's bed. The readings
on the various display screens continued to be erratic to the extreme.
Several digital parameters suddenly increased in value and held at their
Strange, Panman thought, someone with these readings would normally suffer
a cerebral implosion of immense magnitude. His megatronic brain must be
Lew Brain Ache sat up and regurgitated several gallons of greyish vomit
around the room, showering most of the medical devices and almost hitting
Panman, who managed to leap out of the way with augmented agility and
Hmm, Panman thought, a new definition of the word 'sickbay' perhaps!
Lew Brain Ache's eyes were wide open and shone a deep, threatening shade
of scarlet. They stared at Panman with dark severity. "Join with me!" The obese little bounty hunter said. "Let
us breed vicious demons of doom!"
"You're demented!" Panman said in a surprised fashion.
"Procreate with me now!" Lew Brain Ache shouted, tumbling off
the bed and landing in a bloated heap on the smooth floor. He got to his
feet and tried to grab Panman.
Panman pushed him hard, sending the possessed lard bucket slamming into
the opposite wall.
"You must bear my fiendish progeny!"
Lew Brain Ache charged at Panman and attempted to grasp his waist. The
attempt failed With outstanding flexibility, Panman's left boot connected
with Lew Brain Ache's chubby foaming face, catapulting him into the ceiling
with brutal power.
"He's is seriously maladjusted!" Panman said with great composure,
peeling Lew Brain Ache off some overhead equipment. He fell to the floor
in a swollen mound of unconsciousness. What a mess.
Peter the Ace gazed at the viewscreen that was displaying the information
that Jayne Eye-Catcher and Lew Brain Ache had accidently intercepted during
their relief mission to Starvonius XIV, a poverty stricken planet dangerously
close to the centre of the Sombreus Nebula and its pirate cultures. They
had been followed and shot down shortly after they had embarked on their
"This is very serious indeed!" Peter the Ace said. "Lawrence
is much more powerful that I could have imagined. Not only has he got
a battle fleet of over one hundred thousand ships, he also has half a
million terror troops, an unholy army of the night, and ten thousand fowl
smelling ogres that are currently trying to find the secret location of
the Palace of Amino!"
"Time is of the essence." Jayne Eye-Catcher said in cliched
"Indeed!" Peter the Ace agreed with cool placidity. "This
information must be returned to the Palace of Amino immediately. There's
only one thing that we can do in such a dire situation."
"You don't mean…"
"Yes!" Peter the Ace replied with great importance. "I
must issue the T.A.R. command!"
Jayne Eye-Catcher stared at Peter the Ace and looked shocked. T.A.R. stood
for Total Amino Recall. This command, when transmitted, ordered all bounty
hunters to abandon their current missions and return to the Palace of
Amino. It was a command only available to the most respected bounty hunters
and had never been used before.
Peter the Ace walked over to the communications console. He skilfully
entered a secret combination of shrewd key presses with the precision
of a degree level typist. After a few seconds the console bleeped and
the main viewscreen came to life.
TOTAL AMINO RECALL
COMMAND SEQUENCE INITIATED...
"Blenheim," He said assertively, "take us home - maximum
The Blenheim's course altered automatically and its Gargantua Drive Systems
powered into life. The ship distorted its way into subspace with efficient
"How long until we arrive at the palace?"
"THIRTY FIVE HOURS, FORTY FOUR MINUTES AND ONE SECOND."
"We should make use of this time for relaxation." Peter the
Ace said with great insight. "It may be the last chance we get for
quite a while!"
"You’re right." Jayne Eye-Catcher said, getting to her
feet. "Do you know what?"
"I'm starved! I haven't eaten for days."
"No problem! I got Justin to make something for you earlier!"
Peter the Ace operated the internal communications panel. "Justin?"
"Jayne Eye-Catcher would like to eat now. Take the sandwiches and
salad to her quarters."
"What about the melted hog fat?"
"Check with Panman. I think Lew Brain Ache may still be unconscious."
Communication ceased. Peter the Ace and Jayne Eye-Catcher left the bridge.