Earth Reference Year 2388.01 AD
To one side, the stars, distant and silent, littered the perfect blackness
of space, each one different. Each one with its own distinct hue. To the
other side, a total void reigned, the glimmer of faraway galaxies too
dim to be visible without the aid of some high-tech device. This was the
very edge of the Milky Way galaxy.
A dark shape, barely visible, drifted menacingly through the vacuum,
edging its way efficiently across the galactic rim, its thick, heavy armourment
glistening solemnly in the starlight. It was the Blenheim, an Annihilator
ninety-one class star ship of immense power, awesome design and as large
as a one thousand seater cinema. Its engines pulsed a gentle shade of
"There's nothing out here." Peter the Ace said, looking at
the view screens. He was a bounty hunter of extreme strength and cunning
– a formidable humanoid specimen, and he was sitting lazily in the
sumptuous command chair on the Blenheim's luxury bridge.
"I think you're right." Panman agreed. Panman was another bounty
hunter of extreme strength and cunning. "I wouldn't have expected
Lawrence to station his unholy army of the night here anyway; he usually
likes to be near the depraved gambling planets of the Odious Sector."
Lawrence was a particularly sinister and heinous piece of work. He regarded
himself, with some justification, as the most horrible and depraved being
in the known universe. His legions of foul smelling ogres drove fear and
disgust into the hearts and lungs of all who encountered them.
"I don't know why we bothered coming out here in the first place."
Justin said, entering the bridge. He walked over to Peter the Ace and
Panman and handed them the drinks that they had ordered.
Justin was a trainee bounty hunter. This was his first time on a real
mission and he was very excited about it.
"We came out here because the Superior Beings of the Great Hall
of the Palace of Amino ordered us too." Panman said, taking a sip
of his Delirium Gut Cleanser cocktail. "Ever since we found out that
Lawrence was still alive, bounty hunters have been searching for him."
"The Superior Beings must be thick!" Justin said walking over
to a nearby view screen. "The only inhabited planet this far out
is Quagmir. It's completely covered in decaying bogs and populated by
hairy rectons, the only creatures in the galaxy with the ability to synthesize
shit from thin air!"
Peter the Ace downed his glass of bubbling Whisper Ale.
"Justin's got a point." he said, burping quietly. "Maybe
we should try somewhere different."
"Where?" Panman asked, taking another swig.
"How about…" Peter the Ace thought for a moment. "How
about the Nhyntendox system!"
"Whoa yeah!" Panman shouted, the thought of endless, mindless
virtual video gaming filled him with delight.
A siren sounded loudly and was then replaced by the Blenheim's digital
voice. "OBJECT APPROACHING. IDENTITY UNKNOWN. ORIGIN UNKNOWN. DEFENCE
AND OFFENCE SYSTEMS ARMED."
"That's that idea blown away!" Panman said dejectedly. He put
down his beverage and moved over to the weapons console.
A small, cylindrical craft, black and yellow, drew to a halt less than
a kilometre away. A tiny hatchway opened and a tube extended outwards.
"What's it doing?" Justin asked.
"Keep your finger on the fire button, Panman." Peter the Ace
"Too right!" Panman said. The middle digit of his right hand
was ready for action.
Suddenly the strange craft began to move around violently, spraying a
glowing magenta mist from the tube.
"Should I fire?" Panman asked, desperate to destroy something.
"Wait!" Justin said. "I think it's writing."
"I think you're right!" Peter the Ace said, "How odd."
Within less than a minute, the small craft had finished its work. The
Ha ha harr! You're doomed! The galaxy's
doomed! My army is invincible! Ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha harr!!
"That's definitely from Lawrence." Peter the Ace said as the
words began to dissolve into the ether.
"He's off his head!" Panman said. "Should I destroy it?"
"Why not?" Peter the Ace said.
Panman pressed fire. A profound beam of intensely bright energy erupted
from one of the Blenheim's terrifying turrets and connected instantly
with the petite craft. It melted and exploded in a satisfying myriad of
"Well," Justin said, "that proves that not everything
of his is invincible."
"We have to find him." Panman said with some urgency, disarming
the ship's weapons array.
"You’re absolutely right!" Peter the Ace said. "Set
a course for the Odious Sector. We should have looked there in the first
Panman punched in the coordinates. A deep rumbling resonated throughout
the ship as the Gargantua Drive System (TM) kicked into overload. The
Blenheim folded into subspace.
"It'll take us several hours to get there." Panman said. "Yo,
Justin, how about making us a few pizzas?"
"Oh what! I seem to spend half my life making food for you two!"
"You’re a trainee and will do as you’re told!"
Peter the Ace said sternly. "Show complete obedience and one day
you could own a phenomenal ship just like us."
Justin grudgingly wandered out of the bridge and down into the galley.
"He may be just a trainee but he makes fantastic pizzas!" Panman
"He sure does." Peter the Ace said, turning to look at the
subspacial entities that powered silently across the view screens. This
was indeed a phenomenal ship!