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Book: Vengeance of the Lump-Being
Chapter 46: A Goat on a Water Bed

Without hindrance, without mass, but with astonishing energy, the emitter beam progressed swiftly on its course. Through the depths of space it travelled, never slowing, never fading, and never deviating.

The beam’s straight path was well-chosen, avoiding dense clusters of solar systems and nebulae, and avoiding large clumps of matter that could reduce its potency, or deflect its course.

Not every obstacle could have been foreseen, of course.

Just over five thousand light years from Gun-Loc – seven hours into its monolithic journey, the emitter beam encountered three aging but fully automated cargo vessels. Each ship carried a million tonnes of frozen spicy terror wings, and, unknown to anyone, the lead vessel carried a middle-aged stowaway named Chu Zonmafeat. For years, Chu had planned his escape from the closed society of Aerok’H’Tron, and from the hard labour and sugar-free food he had been subjected to in the typsium quarries.

And now, as the stowaway sat shivering like a featherless penguin between two enormous crates, he grinned broadly. He had done it, and he would soon be back on his family’s plantation on the democratic free world of Aerok’H’Tuos, his six gangly siblings at his side at last.

An image of the plantation, and of his favourite sister, Shu, filled Chu’s mind as he and the cargo ships were vaporised out of existence.

The emitter beam travelled on, and for the next few uneventful hours traversed the sparse zone between two galactic spiral arms.

The giant space station Dog Breath drifted slowly a hundred light years from the nearest star system. Out here the station was beyond the detection of security forces, and almost invisible in this dimly lit region of the galaxy - the perfect place for the station’s highly illegal activity: the production of goofigoo, a new and totally addictive hallucinogenic toothpaste.

Lord Shinononoo, Dog Breath’s commandant, sat at the centre of the station’s command deck and folded his arms on top of his naked furry belly. A feeling of intense satisfaction filled his mind. Production of the first batch of goofigoo would be completed today, and eighteen ships were docked and waiting to begin distribution of his new oral hygiene substance to the depraved areas of the central worlds. Within weeks, millions of humanoids would be dependent on his new and satisfying toothpaste, and billions of credits would soon flood into his bank accounts, giving him a huge return on investment.

Lord Shinononoo stood and yelled “I am a genius! I am so incredibly awesome!” He jumped up and down, his midsection bouncing like a goat on a water bed. “Look at my furry belly!”

The command deck’s crew stared at the commandant, surprised at his uncharacteristic outburst.

Space station Dog Breath vanished.

The beam entered a densely populated region. For the next couple of hours the emitter beam continued in its course, passing harmlessly through the Gninnan cluster, and on into the tunnel-like void through the beautifully organised Iemiem artificial nebula – the pride of the Gnah-Ziem Empirical Establishment.

On the beam travelled. Solar system after solar system flashed by, and civilisation after civilisation were left unaware of just how close they had come to massive devastation.

Then, after atomizing a dozen badly maintained but colourfully decorated hippy ships from the Lentyl Colonies, the emitter beam entered a new region of space known as the Ar’Mar’Ni sector.

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