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Book: Vengeance of the Lump-Being
Chapter 45: Tactics and Techniques

With a deep reverberating thud, the sweaty naked mass of Abunda Bountious flopped onto the floor. She gasped for breath, her massive breasts heaving up and down like gas bellows.

Admiral Phutphungus looked down at her from the large oval bed. “My dear,” he said, taking a deep breath. “You really know how to push the right buttons! Extraordinary!”

Abunda looked up at him and smiled, her thick ruby lips spreading wide across her sagging face. “You’re most welcome.” she said, still breathless. “I feel pleasured almost beyond comprehension. You have a girth I have never experienced before, and one I never thought I could handle without suffering serious internal ruptures. You have showed me just how much pounding I can take, and I will be forever grateful.”

The admiral grinned cheekily. “Time to prove that you can take even more pounding, then!” He said, pushing himself off the bed, the admiral collapsed on top of Abunda. His folds of perspiring flab slapped and squelched against hers as he fumbled into position.

Abunda squealed with delight and laid back. “I can take as much as you’ve got, my admiral. Give it all to me! All of it!” She wrapped her tree-like thighs around the admiral’s waist. “Fill me with your…”

The communications console next to the bed bleeped loudly. A red light flashed, indicating an urgent message.

Admiral Phutphungus removed his face from Abunda’s cavernous cleavage and looked up at the console. “Damn it! Why now?” He looked down. “Excuse me for a second, my dear. I must deal with this.”

The admiral rolled off Abunda and over to the communications console. He hauled himself to his feet and read the caller’s name on the screen. It was sub-officer Shym-Sham Shawallihoo. The admiral pressed ‘Answer’. “What do you want?”

There was an unusual pause. “Um… Sorry to disturb you, admiral. We have received a priority communication from the Palace of Amino Battle Command.

“What did it say?”

The emitter has fired.

Admiral Phutphungus had half expected this, but he still felt shocked. “Hmm… Peter the Ace, Panman, and Ross Mental failed, I see. Not good.”

It was not a complete failure. They managed to reduce the power of the emitter beam by seventy percent. We now have a much better chance of stopping it.

The admiral fiddled with his moustache. “Yes, that’s helpful. We may survive this yet.”

I need you up on the bridge, admiral.

“I’ll be up there in a few minutes. I have a little unfinished business to attend to.”

Um… All right. I’ll see you shortly.

The communications channel closed.

Admiral Phutphungus turned and looked down at Abunda. She looked up at him, her elephantine legs spread wide and welcoming. She licked her lips in anticipation.

The admiral let himself fall forward, slamming onto her body. He sank into her deep soft flesh. “This is going to have to be quick!”


Admiral Phutphungus walked out of the elevator and onto the cathedral-like bridge of the Slaying Mantis. His complexion glowed with satisfaction, but his grumpy expression betrayed his annoyance at being disturbed.

The admiral stomped heavily across the blue and gold carpeted floor towards his sumptuous chair at the centre of the bridge. Next to his chair, the admiral spied sub-officer Shym-Sham Shawallihoo perched awkwardly on his stool.

Shym-Sham spotted the admiral’s approach. The sub-officer got to his feet, uncoiling his spine and rising to his full height. “Welcome, admiral.”

Admiral Phutphungus nodded and walked by his inferior. He sat down heavily into his chair and looked around. Several members of the bridge crew were wiping down their consoles. At the far left side of the bridge, one crew member was being revived by medical staff. The admiral turned to Shym-Sham. “What’s been going on here?”

Shym-Sham replied. “Some of the bridge crew um… spontaneously vomited on their consoles. We’re just finishing off the cleanup operation.”

For a second, Admiral Phutphungus was confused. “Why would some of the crew spontaneously… Wait a minute. Were you watching me again?”

The sub-officer sat back down on his stool, an embarrassed expression on his gaunt pale face. “Yes we were. I’m sorry, admiral.”

The admiral was furious. “How dare you? That’s the second time you’ve…”

“As I informed you before, admiral, it’s up to you to set the transmission mode of your communications console to audio only. As you can see by the amount of semi-digested food that was ejected here, seeing what we all saw is not something we’d choose to see, if we could avoid it.”

Admiral Phutphungus grunted. “All right! Don’t go on about it. I hope no recordings were made.”

“All internal and external communications are recorded. It’s the official policy on all Palace of Amino vessels. You should know that, admiral.”

“Of course I know!” the admiral said angrily. He made a mental note to hunt down and erase the relevant files. “Let’s get back to business, shall we?”

Shym-Sham nodded. “Of course, admiral.” The sub-officer got to his feet and operated a nearby console. The gargantuan main view screen at the front of the bridge switched from its view of the stars ahead to a split screen diagrammatic image. “The left image shows a map of this quadrant. The course of the emitter beam and its target are shown. The right hand image shows our fleet, and the position of each ship.”

Admiral Phutphungus looked at the images. “So, the beam will reach our fleet in less than sixteen hours?”

“Yes, admiral. I recommend we use the time to devise a new configuration for our fleet formation.”

“Why should we do that?”

“The current formation was devised to provide the most effective absorption of the emitter beam at full power. It would have meant the certain destruction of most ships. Now that the power of the beam has been reduced by seventy percent, a less elongated formation would be more suitable. We are still likely to loose some ships, but nowhere near as many.”

The admiral nodded. “Sounds sensible. Get to it right away.”

“Yes, admiral. I’ll arrange for our tactical team to meet us in the conference room. Would fifteen minutes time be convenient for you?”

“No it would not.” Admiral Phutphungus said, hauling himself to his feet.

“Then what time would be convenient?”

The admiral straightened his robes. “None, because I won’t be attending.”

Shym-Sham was concerned. “Admiral, I think it would be wise that you attend. Your decades of experience are necessary to…”

“I have not commanded a fleet into battle for more than a century!” the admiral bellowed. He glared at the wiry sub-officer. “Technology, tactics, and techniques have changed immeasurably since then, and your suggestion that I should command this fleet was a preposterous blunder of macroscopic proportions!”

Shym-Sham was embarrassed. “Sorry, admiral. But you have to admit that you were the only available person with any experience at all.”

The admiral took a deep breath, calming himself. “Yes, I admit that. But you and our tactical team have far more knowledge of current thinking than I do. Please meet without me. I am merely a figure head for the fleet - nothing more.”

“That’s not true, admiral. You are more than a…”

Admiral Phutphungus screamed. “Do as I order!”

The sub-officer nodded. “Of course, admiral.”

“Good.” The admiral said, walking away. “Contact me when then beam is about to hit, not before.”

“Understood, admiral.”

Admiral Phutphungus left the bridge, thoughts of bountiful bosoms and sweaty folds of flesh flashing enticingly through his mind.

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